The Dark Side of Living in the Light
Catchy title, right? Not wishing to be dramatic here. Just telling it like it is.
For some people, living in “the light” means being of a higher vibration and seeing that vibration in all of existence. That is beautiful, amazing and wonderful. It is possible to find your Zen and look at life from the higher perspective and realize that no matter what happens in the lifetime, you are a soul with a continuous stream of existence.
For other people, they find their spirituality within the light by adapting belief systems and practices that allow them to feel closer to their higher power. This too, is an incredible way of life.
And still others take on roles as light workers, healers, ministers and such to help people open up to their light, to empower them to embrace their spirit and their strength. Many of these Spiritual teachers and leaders teach that we are of a vibration now where darkness no longer exists, while others will pound the reality of evil into the forefront of their teachings to elicit fear.
So where is reality in all this?
I believe we create our own reality through our perspective. If you believe that we are living in a higher dimension right now where no dark energies can be present, then that is your reality. If you believe you have to adhere to certain rules and rituals because the devil waits for you around each corner, then that is your truth.
I never really believed in curses or spells. Sure, I liked to play witch when I was a little girl and was known to play with candles when I wasn’t supposed to. I was drawn to ancient Egyptian texts at a young age and marveled at their rites and incantations used in ceremony. I thought it magical. I respected their devotion to their faith. But that, honestly, was about it.
Then began my studies in Native American Shamanism. I was part of ceremonial practices and could feel Spirit and energy all around me. It wasn’t a spell. I wasn’t directing negativity to anyone. It was beautiful, engaging, entrancing and LIGHT! The connection made my heart sing.
As I dug deeper into my spiritual learning, I still held a disregard for curses, believing that only those in a state of fear and adhering to a particular belief system could be affected by such things. I gave this practice no power whatsoever. Even when my teachers would explain about psychic warfare and how to combat it, I would go to my happy place in my mind. Those things had nothing to do with me. They were for other people, not as “light” as me of course, to deal with in their reality.
And then I got my first attachment. It hit me hard. I was depleted, mentally, physically, emotionally and definitely spiritually. I thought I was losing my mind. I couldn’t concentrate, didn’t want to move and definitely felt like leaving this life would be the best choice I could make. Thankfully, I turned to a trusted teacher and Shaman for help. I thought it was something purely physical or perhaps I pulled something in from a client.
As I spoke to my Elder, he connected with my energy. I could see him going into trance and taking inventory of my field. Within moments he told me each physical symptom I was having, the negative thoughts I’d been experiencing as well as visions of a man I’d been working with. He went on further to explain to me that this man had placed a negative entity into my energy field to weaken me and cause me harm.
I was dumbfounded. Why would anyone want to do that? I was very Pollyannaish about being of the light. I thought as long as I did my light work I got a free pass on negativity.
Ummmm….NO! Even as I write that statement I cringe. And I laugh.
My wonderful teacher explained to me the importance of boundaries – physical, emotional and energetic. He also enforced and reiterated the tools I had been taught but not practicing myself in regards to clearing and dealing with negative energies directed to cause and inflict harm.
My mind and heart went into fear. Was I so weak that I allowed this person to harm me? What would happen next time? Why didn’t my guides let me know? How can I be intuitive and not know this?
I saw the eyes of my teacher begin to sparkle and a smile paint across his compassionate face. “What did you learn?” He asked. “What gifts were you given? And Honey, if you expect your guides to give you ALL the answers you are barking up the wrong tree. If they gave you all the answers why would you be here? You would stay on the other side.”
I sat with that. Long and hard I sat with that. I began to realize that life is a learning curve. Each experience gifts us an opportunity to discover something new.
Doing this work for going on 20 years now, I’ve witnessed and experienced more than my share of light and dark. I believe we can’t have one without the other – not on this Earth plane. We come here to experience both and to learn from each. And then we have a choice. Which will we allow to be the driving force in our life, good or evil?
Yes, there are curses, spells, negative entities, demons, dark dimensional beings, psychic attacks and other creepy crawlies in existence. But that doesn’t mean we have to bury our heads in the sand or hide under the covers. Knowledge, as they say, is power. There are tools to deter each of these scenarios and just because something is out there doesn’t mean you will experience it.
Every bad thing that happens in your life isn’t because of a curse or some sorcerer conjuring black magic. Take responsibility for your life, meaning – your BODY, your MIND and your ENERGY. When all are in good working order with proper boundaries in place, no darkness can come through.
It’s Okay to Say, “NO”
Most children learn the word, “no,”during the terrible twos age. They are creating their own space and searching for their independence by asserting what they like, what they don’t like and what they just have no use in trying out whatsoever. It’s a part of understanding the process of setting boundaries and even goes deeper than that if you care to discuss the mainstay of human survival. We, as humans, need to create healthy boundaries so we can exist and flourish in this game of life. That’s one of the reasons small children are so fond of the word no – they are expressing their power and trying to assert control over their lives. Now, at two years old, there’s really not a heck of a lot of control they have, but it sets the tone for all things later in life.
But what happens when a child is taught to not create these boundaries? What happens when a child is taught that they cannot say no, and that its okay for other people to dominate them, control them and abuse them?
I can tell you it’s not easy to set boundaries, or even feel like you have a right to tell someone, “no”, when it’s been instilled in you that you have no voice, that your feelings don’t matter, and someone else’s pleasure takes precedent over your pain. As a kid, you feel like you just don’t matter, or you bury it somewhere deep inside in a dark place where it grows like a disease in the recesses of suppressed memory.
Saying, “NO,” sound so simple, right? It’s a small word. It’s easy to pronounce. Most people understand it, no matter their language. And yet, it can be so difficult to express for many of us.
When my uncle first abused me at the age of three, I didn’t know what was happening. I trusted him. I loved him. I just thought he was giving me a bath. When I felt the physical pain of it, he told me this was the way it was supposed to be and I couldn’t say no. I gave away all my power to him.
This set up a lifetime of continuously doing that over and over and over again – giving away my power, especially to those I viewed as authority figures, or older adults. I suffered sexual abuse more times than I care to remember or dwell upon. When I would get in situations where I felt a physical, mental, or emotional violation, I would withdraw and go right back to that three-year old perspective of not having a voice. The times when I did seem to find my voice, it came out screeching and filled with venom. It was as if all the times I hadn’t spoken were bottled up inside and came out in one gigantic wave. The emotion would be so strong, that my opinion still didn’t matter, because I came across as a screaming shrew.
Finding that balance of speaking my truth, while being in my power has been one of my greatest lessons. It’s still something I contend with and am very sensitive about. I analyze my words and do my best to keep myself in check to make sure I am not exaggerating based on an emotional trigger. And honestly, sometimes, I just let the words rip from my mouth, because that’s what the situation calls for.
Mostly, I’ve discovered I am a whole lot happier and healthier by allowing myself to say, “NO”. That word means not at all, to no extent, and it’s necessary to set those boundaries for yourself. It’s not your job to make everyone happy. You owe it to yourself to BE happy.
I’ve learned it’s okay to say, “NO,” to anyone – your spouse, your kids, your family, your friends, your boss, etc. Heck, it’s okay to SCREAM it if you need to.
Just don’t say, “NO,” to your power and your boundaries. They are important and YOU are worthy of them.
On the way home from running errands, I heard a voice say, “You need to stop at the cemetery.” I tried to brush it aside, because I have a bizillion things to do on my to do list today, but as I got closer to the cemetery, I began hearing a little girl’s name and seeing flowers next to a grave and knew I had to stop.
I pulled up to the side of the children’s part of the cemetery and asked to be shown where I needed to go. I soon found a recent grave with a flower arrangement, teddy bear and angel statue upon it. This was under a shade tree and as I tuned into the energy around me I saw her, a little girl, looking about 18 months old, hiding behind the tree, looking lost.
All I wanted to do was gather her up in my arms and take all her fears away. I began to communicate with her, and she was very timid, very shy and very scared. I asked for one of my power animals to connect with her and as he came over and rubbed his head against her, she began to smile.
This little soul was earthbound, so much in shock from a sudden death and pulled to the Earth plane by her grieving parents, that she didn’t cross over. It wasn’t that she wasn’t worthy or anything like that, she had just resisted when it was time to cross and was therefor stuck between two worlds.
I connected with Arch Angel Gabriel and asked for the tunnel of light to open for her, and Arch Angel Jophiel came forward and started coaxing the girl towards the light. Jophiel and my animal spirit walking with the little girl towards the light when suddenly an older woman came through and reached out her hand to the little girl.
I believe this female spirit to be her grandmother, and one the little girl had not known in the physical, but completely recognized. She ran to the woman with delight and crossed over easily and with joy.
As I stood in the middle of the cemetery, suddenly my to do list didn’t seem so big, in fact in didn’t really matter at all. All that mattered was that moment, that moment of love, of peace and of joy.
We are all just here, walking each other home in one way or another. Take the time to listen to that inner guidance, even when it’s the last thing on your list to do. You never know what gift may be waiting for you right around the corner.
An Unforgettable Mother’s Day Experience
Each year, when Mother’s Day comes around, I am reminded of this experience I had several years ago. I wrote this article for a magazine and share it with you now in honor of all the Moms out there who care so deeply for their children.
A Mother’s Love Never Ends
My Mother’s Day experience a few years ago was one of those “ah-hah” moments that God so wonderfully puts in our path to teach us life lessons of love and wisdom. Every year when Mother’s Day comes around, I am reminded of this event that so deeply impacted my life.
My husband was scheduled for an 11 hr shift at work putting him out of the house from 10am until 9pm. This did not leave much time for us to celebrate Mother’s Day as a family, meaning more specifically him keeping our three kids in line while I was able to relax. I was disappointed, but completely understood and was concentrating on the fact that my wonderful husband took an entire week off work the previous week so that I could attend a seminar. I continued throughout the day to try to push that “being a girl” side of me away – you know the one – that overly sensitive, emotional side – well, that did not work! Trying to push that away only attracted those feelings to me more (Oh – don’t we all LOVE the LAW OF ATTRACTION!). It was like trying to keep the bar of Dove Chocolate away from the PMS victim – it was NOT going to happen. So I spent a good deal of my day being angry, feeling sorry for myself and listening to the kids fight, which I am sure was more than triggered by me being depressed. I was not in one of those “love and light” type of moods, if you get my meaning.
My husband called to see if we would meet him for an early dinner at an Italian place near his work. We went and the restaurant was closed! Mother’s Day dinner was taco shop for me, but at least I did not have to cook! On the way home from dinner, we passed by the site of a horrific car accident that happened a few miles away from our home a week earlier. The area where the accident had happened had been turned into a memorial with candles, balloons, and flowers. As I passed, I saw him again just as I had seen him in the few days previous to this one. There stood a little boy, looking lost and confused, just staring at the memorial. I knew he was lost. It did not register to him the extent of what happened and his soul had gone into shock, not able to cross over with the others. Being a medium, I see spirits and feel them, but do not always go out of my way to help them cross. At times, this is their lesson to remain earth bound, so it just depends on the energy. Some have unfinished business, others are stuck. As this is a planet of free will, I do not take it upon myself to help any spirit I might see cross over. This boy, however, tugged at my heart. As I passed by, I promised myself I would come back that evening, after things had calmed down with my kids and see if I could help him.
I returned later that night to still find him there, standing near the balloons and flowers. I pulled off the road and onto the dirt lot where the memorial was placed. One single candle was still burning. It was surreal. I had found his name through some research, as well as the name of his mother who had passed in the car crash. He stood there listlessly staring at the street where the drunk driver had hit his family’s car. Flashes of the accident went through my mind – the moments before impact when the children were laughing, when the mother and her sister were discussing their plans. I saw the force of the collision and the SUV spin out of control, flip and burst into flames. I heard the screams of everyone inside the car. I knew as I saw these visions, that this poor child was seeing the same scene, played over and over.
Tears came to my eyes as I called in my guides and the Arch Angels Michael, Gabriel and Jophiel to assist me. I asked Gabriel to make a vortex of light so that the boy could see it and pass through onto the other side. As I spoke to the boy, he was unsure of what was happening as he moved toward me and walked in my direction. I explained that his mother was waiting for him in heaven and that all was fine. He saw the light and stepped towards it but was still hesitant. I began to speak the words “I love you” in his language as his Mother reached out her hand to accept him into this tunnel of pure and divine love. They embraced and looked over at me one last time as if to say thank you and then the tunnel closed. I knew he had crossed and that his soul was at peace. It was a beautiful and loving experience for me. So many lessons I learned that Mother’s Day.
I have learned that the most loving gift and lesson I can ever have is to help another. I have learned that when I get so wrapped up in my own “stuff” the best way to get out of it if to assist someone else. The most precious thing I think any of us here on this planet can do is to serve others through love and compassion. That can be through a smile, a touch, loving energy, watering a plant, patting a pet on the head or simply speaking the words, “I Love You”. Know that we ALL make a difference here. We all have the ability to express ourselves through love and light.
This has taught me to be so grateful for what I do have in my life, and not concentrate on what is “missing”. Please, give your children an extra hug today and know how blessed we all are for having them in our lives.
On a side note, a year or so later, I was at a dear friend’s home, who happens to be a healer. I had a session with her in which she took several photos during the healing. As we sat at her table while she uploaded the images, my eyes fixated on a photo laying in front of me. I recognized the person in the image immediately. The person in the photo was the boy’s mother. She was in the photo, hovering above a man laying down on the healing bed. It looked as if she was comforting him. When I asked my friend about the picture she explained that this man’s family had been killed in a drunk driver car accident. He had come to see her before he left the country to hopefully release the guilt and grief he’d been feeling. I know with all my heart that I was meant to see this picture. It was one more confirmation and a feeling of gratitude ran through me.
God gives us no coincidences. It is up to us to see things as they are and revel in the miracles that surround us.
Happy Mother’s Day to all.
Love & Laughter,
Spring Cleaning: Mind, Body and Soul
The Season of Spring is here! So often that entails clearing and cleaning those routine things, or even perhaps those issues we’ve been avoiding.
My personal cleaning and clearing began with me taking a hard look and evaluating my physical self. For much of my life I have ignored the signs and messages my body has given me and chose to push forward, masking these needs and instead traveling to an etheric playground where things like pain and suffering do not exist.
As I took inventory of the false beliefs I’d come to instill within my core self, I began to put the puzzle pieces together. So much of my ideals and underlying struggle still remained in lessons I was taught as a child.
My mother was, and still very much remains, what I like to lovingly call a pill whore. Yes, I know that sounds cold and callous, but I deal with this with my sarcasm. It’s a tool I use quite frequently. When I would have a headache, I was given a pill to cure it. When I had to have my first gynecological exam at the age of 12, I was given a valium to deal with it. When I had menstrual cramps at 13, codeine became my best friend.
I was taught that whenever you received a prescription medication, make sure to refill it, even if you didn’t really need it, because chances are you’d be sick again in the near future, or someone in the family would be, and we would need that medicine. I began doling out Mom’s meds to her by the time I was six, which was a constant combination of uppers, downers, pain killers and so forth. Drugs were plain and simple, a way of life. This is how you dealt with things.
Fast forward to present day and I find myself plagued with symptoms of low energy level, headaches, heart palpitations, hair loss, inflammation, low metabolism, and achiness over my entire body. Regular medication is not working. I intuitively know my thyroid is out of balance, even though I am on a natural medication to assist this problem. My MD feels I fall within the “normal range” of things, and that my medication does not need to be increased.
Clarification – I’ve never been normal. Let’s just make that clear.
So, for once, I decided to LISTEN to my body. I allowed myself to feel all the different things that didn’t feel right. I didn’t take a pill or an Advil to get me through it. I just sat with the feelings, searching for emotional sensations and reactions.
Through this process, I knew I needed to do something, and something drastic to try and shock my system back into balance. I looked at my poor diet and knew it needed to start there. So I began to go cold turkey – no more gluten, dairy, sugar or caffeine. The first few days were a complete blur, as I moved through the detox symptoms. It wasn’t easy and sure was not pretty.
But after a week, I began to notice something. My joints weren’t hurting. My face wasn’t puffy, the swelling in my legs and feet had vanished and quite interestingly enough, I did not have the recurrent headaches. I began exercising daily, moving my body and increasing my water intake.
I also rediscovered the wonderful gift of daily meditation. Each morning, I would take quiet time for me and go into a healing trance, calling in my Spiritual Support Team and asking for their assistance in clearing away that which I needed to let go of. I would concentrate on bringing in a higher vibration to repair damage caused within the body and then I would fill the void with light.
Then began another part of the clearing.
I opened up my medicine cabinet one morning and saw the truth staring back at me. Here were bottles and bottles of unused prescription drugs I was no longer taking. I opened drawers and found more and more bottles – my “just in case” stash that I’d accumulated from various aches and pains. Some had never even been used or opened, because I refused to take them. I began the process of removing all the drugs from my stash, and realized I was building a large mound of prescription bottles. By the time I’d cleaned out my drawers, I had 32 prescriptions. These were an accumulation over the last four years, from when my health had various ups and downs.
I was shocked when I saw the pile of bottles. They had been hidden inside my drawers and medicine cabinet, hardly ever seeing the light of day, just like so many of the aches and pains I had stored in my body.
I correctly disposed of the meds, and thought about this clearing process. By trashing these pills I’d been hanging onto because of a pattern I’d acquired since childhood, I let go of all that stagnant energy. I realized that when I listen to my body when it is trying to tell me something, I can usually figure out what it is I need to do. Most times it’s an easy fix, some deep breathing, a glass of water, stretching, a walk or maybe I need to express something I’ve been holding back. I am finally really grasping the lesson of self-coping and being present.
I understand that prescription medications have their place in this world, and they have saved countless lives. But I also believe they are harshly overused and severely abused within our society. There is never a magic button to push or a magic pill to swallow that makes everything better.
Finally, at the ripe old age of 44, I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin. I am listening to my body now as much as I do to my spirit. For me, that is a huge change and one that I am deeply embracing on every level.
It’s a beautiful gift when we can appreciate the wonder and blessings that exist right inside us. They’ve always been there. Sometimes we just ignore them or perhaps were never shown how to find them in the first place.
It’s never too late to start exploring….go ahead. Have fun with it!
I am looking forward to continuing on in the blessed energy of springtime, holding onto the vibrations of rebirth and resurrection.
Angel Blessings to you,