Releasing the Demons of My Past

let go of the past

 

Releasing the Demons of My Past

 

Many people don’t understand what happens to a child when they are sexually abused.  I can only speak from my personal experience, but I know from working with others who have been through this type of horrid happening, that they are misjudged.  People who have not stood in the shoes of a victim should not even attempt to calculate what they “would” do, because until you are put in a certain situation, you really just don’t know.

Many children will bury their hurt and their pain.  They will stuff it and pretend that it doesn’t exist.  My abuse began when I was three years old and even as the first act happened, it was my saving grace to splinter off and go somewhere else.  I can recall witnessing each encounter with my attacker from a third person stance where I was floating above the situation, removed from it.  I believe this was my first experience with the Angels and that they were assisting in this out of body type viewpoint to save me.  I know with all my heart had I not stuffed and locked away the five years of abuse I would not be alive today.  Leaving my body helped me deal with the pain.  Hiding the memory helped me deal with life.

 

As we all know, things don’t remain hidden forever.  The “secret” manifested in my body as a physical ailment and my ovarian system was a complicated wreck!  I suffered from ovarian issues beginning at age 13 and on into my mid 30’s.  In my mid 30’s during the eruption of an ovarian cyst, the memories I had hidden for so long began to come to the surface.  It was as if the body could not longer contain the pain and the secret.  Much like a volcano builds up pressure, I erupted.  

 

It’s been a long road from that moment to now.  I find it interesting that once the memories came forward that the health issues stopped.  Physical problems that had plagued me the majority of my life simply vanished.  I wish the emotional healing were that simple.  I was thrust under the microscope of those close to me, “Why didn’t you say something earlier?  Why are you telling this now?  Why can’t you just get over it?  Are you making this up?”  

 

My saddened response was, “What purpose would I have in creating a falsity like this?”  It hurt my soul to know that by many I wasn’t believed, even though this attacker had raped another relative (no, she didn’t come forward either) as well as he had made passes and advances on other family members, all of which I found out about later.  

 

I found myself trapped between two worlds for a while – the childlike me and the adult me.  It was as if I had to relive and bring those memories back into my mind in order to heal them.  I went through various stages of PTSD as memories of the abuse would come to the surface and I could not control  it.  I would be shopping at the market and suddenly the panic attack would come over me.  I could smell him, I could feel him.  It was as if I was that little girl, sprawled out on the bathroom floor all over again.  Life and my emotions became a huge balancing act.

 

Fast forward to today.  I still can be triggered, and actually that’s been going on the last few months.  When I feel as if I am under attack, emotionally or otherwise, those last bits of memories I have not healed and released come forward.  It was during one such recent moment when it came into my awareness that though my abuser was dead, his soul had not crossed.  He was an earthbound spirit, suffering and wandering the earth plane in misery.  I will admit, this information gave me some satisfaction that karma reigns supreme.  What we do to others does come back to us in one form or another.  I was pleased he was hurting.   I celebrated that he was finally getting his just rewards for the pain he had caused.  The little girl in me wanted to do the happy dance, knowing that payback was in place.

 

Weeks passed.  The triggers subsided.  Yet still the thoughts of my abuser remained in the back of my mind.  I knew, from the work that I do, that I could help him cross over.  It was a no-brainer. I’ve dealt with earthbound spirits before and assisted in their crossing to the other side.  But did I want to do this?  Did I want to end his suffering?  Didn’t he deserve to be in misery?

 

And herein lies the duality of existence – living the human life as a soul.  For with all the tools and learning I have, my human mind and human heart are still very much intact.  As a soul, I had to address this with myself.  Could I act beyond my own hurt and pain?  Could I rise above it and help the very person who had impacted my life on such a large degree?

 

I sat in deep meditation this morning with my guides around me.  It was time.  It was time to let go.  It was time to move to a deeper state of light and holding on to this pain was no longer serving me.  I shifted into healer mode, and as I did so I could feel Arch Angel Jophiel and Arch Angel Michael beside me and gathered with them were the Arch Angels Raphael and Gabriel.  I could sense my uncle and his pain as Arch Angel Gabriel brought down the tunnel of light.  Raphael and Gabriel took him by his hands to guide him through, but he resisted.  He said that it was a trap.  He was not going to the pits of hell.  He knew what was waiting for him.  

 

I walked towards him and placed my hand on his heart.  I focused on sending as much light as possible into his spirit.  As I did so, I began to clear his energy, calling to release any vibration or lower forms that were holding him here and preventing his crossing.  As the clearing progressed, I saw an entity leave his energy field.  I recognized the eyes of this entity, for I had seen it each time my uncle molested me.  With a flash, the energies were drawn into the light and suddenly my uncle was cleared.  He was lighter and brighter and his entire structure and mannerisms changed.  He stumbled forward, to the tunnel of light, turning to look back at me.  

 

“I’m sorry,” he said.  “Please forgive me.”  And in that very moment, I did.  I let it go. I forgave him.  I released the past pains as I watched him enter a space of higher vibration and unconditional love he hadn’t experienced in quite some time.  

 

And here I am, experiencing a higher vibration and unconditional love as well, just on another level.  I am here in the duality of life, realizing that being human is a juggling act.  Sometimes it’s best to act and react as the stumbling human that I am, and other times it takes embracing my soul to truly understand what this life is really all about – LOVE.

 

 

 

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4 comments on “Releasing the Demons of My Past

  1. You just opened a flood gate for me I can totally relate.the worst part isn’t that others don’t understand you…but when you turn on yourself in life because they’ve done this to you.I’d admire you please don’t stop what your doing I know I personally need you.thank you.

  2. Danielle,

    Thank you for sharing your journey. I was molested by my grandfather a couple of times, And it is a process of thick sticky and sometimes sneaking layers of healing
    to get that peace and wisdom from why did that happen, and to FORGIVE with compassion. UGH! With you sharing your phases of healing and the gift to help relieve his soul of that entity. Is a profound gift for your family and who knows how long that entity has been working through others to commit violations and destroying the innocence of precious children’s souls.
    Your a Brave, Courageous and beautiful soul Danielle. Thanks and blessings for the help of the Arch Angel’s too!
    I’ve been reading “Souls Plan by Robert Schwartz, it’s helped my get insight on many of my life challenges, just wanted to pass that on.
    Namaste,
    Megan

  3. This really brought tears to my eyes…. I’ve never been abused but I have so many around me who have and to see their pain n to hear about urs… Idk but I do know ur so blessed with ur many gifts and happy that ur able to heal urself with the help all all the arc angels that is. Love ur posts they are so enlightening ….. They move me.
    Bless u . ❤

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